The Gospel According to Matthew - Chapter 2

Some magi from the East followed a glowy star to Jerusalem and asked, "where's the baby king of the Jews? We came to worship him," 'cause that's how you greet people when you traipse on into their city huntin' down a fresh, potentially royal baby.

Meanwhile, if someone rings my doorbell...

Word of this got to King Herod, who wasn't happy, because now there's a baby dubbed King of the Jews, which in turn would challenge Herod's claim that he was King of the Jews. He thought to himself, "I am now in a power struggle with a literal baby. What should I do?" So naturally, he gathered all his priests and boffins and asked them where the Messiah was to be born (y'know, as one does when ruling a kingdom). They told him about a prophecy that explained he'd be born in Bethlehem.

"Cool," said King Herod, and he summoned the magi and asked exactly when the star appeared. "Go find him and then let me know so I can go worship this baby as well."

So they went, found the kid, and gave him gold, frankincense, and myrrh, because babies just can't get enough of that stuff.

"Y'all got any more of that myrrh?" --the Messiah, presumably

The magi were warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, so they went back East.

When they left, an angel appeared in Joseph's dream and said "Herod's tryna kill your kid, homie. Pack up the fam and lay low in Egypt until I tell you it's safe." So they all hid out in Egypt 'til they heard Herod died.

Before he died, though, Herod was pretty pissed about being outwitted by the magi, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in and around Bethlehem who were two and under.

After Herod died, the angel returned to Joseph in his dreams and gave the all-clear. They went to a town called Nazareth.

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