The Gospel of Matthew - Chapter 1

A bunch of generations of people bumped uglies over the course of a long span of time.

Fourteen generations connected Abraham to David.

Fourteen more generations connected David to the Babylonian exile.

Fourteen more connected the exile to the Messiah.

Forty-two generations from Abraham to Jesus.

"lol I TOLD you." --Deep Thought

There was a teenage girl called Mary who was betrothed to a dude called Joseph. Before they were wed, the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary and Joseph was considering divorce but an angel said "nah don't do that, homie. She's not lying, it was God, and she's gonna give birth to a son. Call him 'Emmanuel' ('God with us') and do your best at dadding the Messiah. Can't imagine it's gonna go well for you if you screw up the son of God. He's got such a history of being cool about stuff, y'know? It'll be fiiiiiine. Here, have some myrrh or something."

So Joseph married Mary and the two of them waited to bump their uglies 'til lil' Emmanuel was born.

"Don't fuck it up!"

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